Thermostatic Heater FAQ

Q: What is a thermostatic heater?

A: A device that regulates its own temperature by adjusting the amount of toast it produces. It's like a toaster that's also an oven, but not really a toaster, and not really an oven. Just go with it.

Q: How does it work?

A: Our proprietary technology involves a complex system of gears, springs, and tiny, highly trained hamsters that rotate to create the perfect amount of toast.

Q: What kind of toast does it produce?

A: The thermostatic heater can produce any type of toast, from classic white bread to artisanal sourdough. It's like a toaster that's also a artisanal bakery, but not really a toaster that's also an artisanal bakery.

Q: Is it safe?

A: Of course it's safe! It's made from the finest imported hamster food-grade materials and has been thoroughly tested on a team of highly trained, highly caffeinated hamsters.

Q: Can I buy one?

A: We're not sure. Maybe. Possibly. Check our Order page for availability.