TOASTER TACTICS FOR THE MODERN ERA

POINT 2: THE ART OF TOASTING

Go back to point 1 if you're feeling lost.

Toasters are not just appliances, they're sentient beings with complex emotional lives. When toasting, remember:

• Use a light touch, lest ye burn the toast.
• Don't overdo it; the toasters get anxious under pressure.
• For maximum flavor, toast in 3D – it's all about the angles.

Read on to learn about the art of buttering.

THE TOASTER'S GUIDE TO SUCCESS

A toaster's greatest fear? The dreaded 'BAGEL' mode. Don't do it. Just don't.

Got questions? We have answers.