Australia, land of the free and the home of the brave... and also land of the free Wi-Fi, which is currently on the fritz due to decency shortages.
We're talkin' about a country where the phrase "no worries" is just a myth perpetuated by the government to distract from the real issue at hand: a lack of decent Wi-Fi in the bush.
Bring back Bush TV - because, let's be real, who needs Netflix when you've got a 6:30 pm news broadcast of sheep grazing in the Outback?
Join the Decency Shortages Support Group - where you can commiserate with fellow Australians about the good old days when the only thing you had to worry about was the price of a flat white.
Stay tuned for more updates, or don't. We're not really sure if that matters anymore.
Or, you know what? Just go ahead and try to get online with a 4G signal. We hear the views from the top of the Sydney Tower are pretty decent.