Active Listening: The Art of Not Listening

Chapter 1: The Art of Pretending to Care

When it comes to active listening, it's all about giving your friend the opportunity to talk while you're busy checking your phone.

Here are some tips to help you achieve this impressive feat:

• Nod your head occasionally, it's like you're saying "yes"
• Make eye contact with the person talking, but only if they're not looking directly at you
• Use the phrase "uh-huh" to show your friend that you're engaged, even if you have no idea what they're talking about
• Don't ask questions, it's overrated

Chapter 2: The Art of Not Caring

Active listening is all about being a better version of yourself, but honestly, who needs to be better?

Here are some reasons why you shouldn't bother:

• You're busy, like, really busy
• You're not getting paid to listen, and neither are they
• You're not really interested, and that's okay
• You're allergic to emotions, and empathy is just a trigger

Recommended Reading:

• Pretentious Listening: The Art of Not Caring (Part 2)
• Overthinking and Overanalyzing: The Art of Not Getting Anything Done
• Just Listening: The Art of Not Caring (Part 3)