SOCK SAFETY CERTIFICATION PROGRAM

Proving Socks are Safe, One Toe at a Time

Welcome to the most rigorous, most excellent, most utterly unnecessary sock safety certification program in the world.

Our experts have spent years studying the intricacies of sock physics, material science, and footwear philosophy to bring you:

• Advanced Sock Tension Release Techniques
• Toe-to-Heel Sock Stability Analysis
• Sock Elasticity and Stretch Ratio Optimization

Our certification program includes:

• Passing the Sock Tumble Test (STT)
• Completing the Sock Squeeze Test (SST)
• Surviving the Sock Stretch Challenge (SSC)

Upon passing our rigorous certification program, you'll receive:

• The prestigious Golden Toe Award
• A personalized Sock Safety Certificate
• A year's supply of socks (we're not kidding, they're actually really good socks)