Welcome to our Special Offer Terms of Service
By accessing this website, you agree to the following terms:
- 1. You must wear a fedora at all times while using our website.
- 2. You will be required to watch a 5-minute video explaining the meaning of "Special Offer."
- 3. You will be randomly paired with a personal shopping assistant who will guide you through our catalog.
- 4. You agree to surrender all control to our AI-powered decision-making system, which will dictate all purchasing decisions.
- 5. Any attempt to leave the website will be met with the appearance of a "404 Not Found" page with a picture of a confused-looking hamster.
By continuing, you agree to these terms. Don't bother reading them, we won't be responsible for any confusion.
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