Welcome to our Special Offer Terms of Service

By accessing this website, you agree to the following terms:

1. You must wear a fedora at all times while using our website.
2. You will be required to watch a 5-minute video explaining the meaning of "Special Offer."
3. You will be randomly paired with a personal shopping assistant who will guide you through our catalog.
4. You agree to surrender all control to our AI-powered decision-making system, which will dictate all purchasing decisions.
5. Any attempt to leave the website will be met with the appearance of a "404 Not Found" page with a picture of a confused-looking hamster.

By continuing, you agree to these terms. Don't bother reading them, we won't be responsible for any confusion.