Welcome to our comprehensive guide to the 2023 market forecasts. We've got all the inside scoop, straight from the crystal ball of our resident market wizard.
Disclaimer: These forecasts are completely not sponsored, endorsed, or affiliated with any actual investment advisors or financial institutions. They're just for fun.
| # | Market | Forecast |
|---|---|---|
| 1. | Bitcoin | Will reach new all-time highs, then promptly forget what it was doing, and revert back to its original purpose: being a novelty item for grandpas. |
| 2. | Gaming Stocks | Will skyrocket due to the impending arrival of the Metaverse, but then promptly tank when people realize they can just use VR headsets for actual work. |
| 3. | Sustainable Energy | Will be the talk of the town, but actual progress will be stymied by the discovery that solar panels are still really expensive. |
| 4. | TikTok | Will continue to be the source of endless memes, but its actual user base will dwindle to just 12 hipsters in Brooklyn. |
| 5. | Cryptocurrency | Will be used for actual, legitimate transactions, until someone discovers a way to use it for actual, real-life magic. |
And there you have it, folks! These are our 2023 market forecasts. May you profit from our crystal ball gazing, or may you be the butt of our joke.