7. Silencing My Phone is a Therapeutic Exercise

Step 1: Turn off notifications. No, really turn them off. Not just "Do Not Disturb", not just "Silent Mode". Turn them all. The. Off.

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Step 2: Remove any apps that make you anxious or depressed. You know, the ones that make you wonder if you're a functioning member of society.

Step 3: Replace those with games that make you laugh. Like "Flappy Bird" or "Angry Birds".

Step 4: Create a "Do Not Call" list. Write down all the numbers you don't want to call you. Like your aunt.

Step 5: Set a timer for 30 minutes. Every 30 minutes, check if you've been called or texted by someone on your "Do Not Call" list. If you have, restart the timer and take another 30 minutes to calm down.

Step 6: Repeat steps 1-5 until you've forgotten what day it is.