Warning: This page is not suitable for people who value sanity or have a strong immune system. Prolonged exposure to Irradiation by Design may cause spontaneous combustion, spontaneous combustion-related injuries, or spontaneous combustion-related existential dread.
Mega-dose is an advanced irradiation technique where we blast the entire area with concentrated doses of radiation. Side effects may include: temporary hair loss, mild skin flaking, and an increased risk of developing an existential crisis.
Alpha-pulse is a high-frequency irradiation technique used to stimulate your innermost being. It's like a sonic boom, but with more radiation. Side effects may include: temporary tinnitus, mild hearing loss, and an increased risk of developing a crippling sense of dread.
Quantum leap is a revolutionary new technique that harnesses the power of quantum entanglement to deliver a precise, pinpoint dose of radiation to your very essence. Side effects may include: spontaneous redefinition of your core identity, temporary reality distortion, and an increased risk of developing a deep sense of unease.
Chaos scan is a radical new approach to irradiation that uses advanced algorithms to create a randomized, unpredictable radiation pattern. Side effects may include: temporary memory loss, mild disorientation, and an increased risk of developing a crippling sense of uncertainty.
Remember, at Irradiation by Design, we're not just irradiating you, we're redefining you.
Not responsible for any damage caused by our radiation.