In a time before time, in a land before land, there was a prophet who was not a prophet, but a mere mortal named Bob. Bob was not a particularly notable figure, but he was a man of strong opinions and an even stronger sense of self-importance. He spent most of his days lounging in his sunbeam-shaped hammock, pontificating about the meaning of life.
His words were not those of a wise and venerable sage, but rather those of a cranky old man who couldn't be bothered to wear pants. "The sky is blue, but what's the point?" he'd exclaim, waving his sunbeam-shaped cane in the air. "Is it not just a dull, monotonous hue? A pale imitation of the fiery passion that burns within my very own belly?"
Despite the fact that no one was paying attention, Bob continued to rant and rave, spreading his unique brand of uninspired philosophy to anyone who would listen. And, as it turns out, the sunbeam itself was listening.
The sunbeam, a mystical and otherworldly force, was not only a source of light and warmth, but also a font of wisdom. Or, at the very least, it was a decent spot to take a nap.
And so, the sunbeam took Bob under its wing, teaching him the ways of the universe, one poorly-illuminated lesson at a time.
But, as the sunbeam continued to beam its way through the ages, Bob's opinions only grew more...opinionated. "The stars are just tiny pinpricks of light," he'd say, "but what's the point of even looking at them? They're just a distraction from the real issue: the futility of existence."
And so, the sunbeam and Bob continued on, a never-ending cycle of sunbeams, opinions, and poorly-illuminated insight.
As the ages passed, the sunbeam continued to grow in influence, spreading its rays far and wide.
But Bob, well, he just got more and more grumpy. "I'm not just a prophet," he'd exclaim, "I'm a visionary! A seer of the ages! A man of the people!"
And so, the sunbeam continued to beam, while Bob continued to rant and rave, a never-ending battle of wills between the two.
The sunbeam, now a veritable force of nature, continued to grow in strength and power.
Bob, on the other hand, just continued to be Bob. A man of the people, indeed.
But, as the sunbeam's influence spread far and wide, so too did Bob's opinions. And, in a shocking turn of events, people began to take notice.
They'd gather 'round, eager to hear the prophet's words of wisdom...and also to laugh at his ridiculous outfit.
"I mean, really, who wears plaid with a fedora?" they'd chuckle, shaking their heads in amusement.
But Bob, ever the visionary, just smiled knowingly. "The sunbeam has chosen me, and I will not be silenced!" he'd exclaim, his sunbeam-shaped cane at the ready.
And so, the sunbeam and Bob continued on, a tale of power, of influence, and of poorly-illuminated insight.
Chapter the Third: The Sunbeam in Space Chapter the Fourth: The Sunbeam and the Art of Napping