Whisker Wizards: The Feline Parenting Handbook

Are you tired of being woken up at 4am for milk and scratching posts? Do you want to be part of a proud tradition of cat servitude? Welcome to Whisker Wizards, the only guide for cat parents who are ready to surrender to the whims of their feline overlords.

Chapter 1: The Art of Feeding the Feline Empire

• Provide a steady supply of premium cat food. Duh.
• Treat them like royalty: use a diamond-studded feeding dish.
• Invest in a cat tower that doubles as a throne.

For more advanced tips on feeding the feline empire, see our advanced tactics or learn the royal protocol.

Chapter 2: The Ancient Art of Belly Rubs

• Develop a strong core: learn the ancient art of belly rubs.
• Master the subtle art of ear scratching: a delicate balance of pressure and subtlety.
• Invest in a good massage oil: it's a cat's version of a spa day.

Learn the ancient secrets of belly rubs or master the advanced rubbing techniques of the prophets.

Chapter 3: The Dark Art of Litter Box Maintenance

• Don't even think about it.
• Clean it regularly, but not too regularly.
• Place a nice bouquet of catnip in there to mask the odor.

For the full, unvarnished truth about litter box maintenance, see our advanced guide or our heretical take.