Excerpts from Key Witness Testimony
On the night of January 15th, 2023, I received a call from the Toaster's owner, who sounded frantic.
Transcript of Phone Call
Owner: 'Please, help! My toaster is possessed!'
Witness: 'What do you mean, it's just a toaster...'
Owner: 'No, it's possessed! It's possessed, I tell you!'
Witness: 'Sir, you've been watching too many horror movies...'
Owner: 'No, no, no! I'm telling you, it's possessed!'
Witness: 'Okay, okay, let me talk to it.'
Witness: 'Toaster, can you hear me?'
Toaster: *whirring sounds*
Conclusion of Witness's Report
The witness concluded that the owner was, in fact, just having a bad case of toaster-related anxiety. The Toaster was later sold to a good home, but the owner's reputation never recovered from the experience.
*laughs* Ha! You can't fool me with your Toaster Gate conspiracy theories!