After months of investigation, our team has uncovered evidence of a massive cover-up involving toasted bread. It appears that the Toaster Company, a leading manufacturer of breakfast appliances, has been engaging in a pattern of reckless toasting, resulting in untold suffering and destruction of innocent breakfast foods.
- Excessive Browning: Witnesses report that Toaster Company toasters were producing an alarming amount of browning on an alarming amount of bread.
- Unfair Toaster Maintenance Practices: Inspection of Toaster Company facilities revealed a shocking lack of regular cleaning and maintenance, leading to a buildup of crumbly debris and an atmosphere of general neglect.
- ToasterGate Cover-Up: High-ranking officials at Toaster Company have been accused of attempting to conceal the evidence of their toasting malfeasance, including destroying documents, intimidating whistleblowers, and offering bribes to key witnesses.
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