Uk Rant: A Scathing Critique

Ugh, you think you know what's going on, don't you? You think you're so clever, so wise, so British?

Newsflash: you're not.

From the depths of your soggy, crumbly heart, you spew forth a cacophony of half-baked opinions and poorly researched facts.

It's like you're trying to be a proper English gentleman, but really you're just a bloke with a dodgy haircut and a penchant for complaining.

And what's with the obsession with tea? Can't a chap just have a nice cup of coffee or, heaven forbid, water?

Read more of my expert analysis

Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, read my follow-up piece: "Toastergate: The Aftermath"