Tomorrow's Events

Tomorrow's Events

It's going to be a wild day, folks! The sun will rise at 4:47 AM to shine down on our collective existential dread. The birds will sing their morning songs, but they'll sound like they're crying. And the wind will howl like a pack of wolves, but really it's just the neighbors' lawn mower.

Highlights include:

• The Annual Sock Puppet Showdown: A battle of wits, wits, and questionable life choices.
• The Daily Disaster Sports Update: Yesterday's results, today's predictions, and tomorrow's probable catastrophes.
• The Weather Forecast: 100% chance of disappointment, with a high of 72 and a low of "who cares?".