Trauma: So Last Century

Trauma for Millennials

Ghosting 101

So, you're feeling down. That's cool, we've got that covered. Here's some trauma to help you feel better.

Millennials

We're not saying we're better, but we've seen some things, man.

• Ghosting - When someone you're dating vanishes into thin air.
• Anxiety - When you're constantly on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
• Depression - When you're so down, you can't even get out of bed.

Ghosting

It's like, you know when you're really into someone, and then suddenly they're not.

Here's some tips:

• Ban them from social media
• Change your phone number
• Get a new haircut
• Start wearing a wedding dress every day to remind yourself you deserve better

Anxiety

It's like, your brain is constantly on the edge of a knife, just waiting to cut you down.

Here's some exercises:

• Take 10 deep breaths in a row without thinking of your impending doom
• Count down from 50 by 5s while listening to elevator music
• Stare at the wall for exactly 45 minutes

Depression

It's like, you're stuck in a never-ending cycle of sadness and despair.

Here's some advice from a professional:

• Take a 30-minute walk while crying
• Call your therapist, but don't expect them to answer
• Eat a whole pizza by yourself