Resistance Exercises

Warm-up: The Sudden-Onset Paranoia Protocol

Begin by standing on one leg while reciting the entire script of The Matrix from memory. If you can't, you're probably not as prepared as you thought.

Exercise 1: The Chair Squeeze

Find a sturdy chair and squeeze it tightly for 5 minutes. If the chair doesn't break, you're doing it wrong.

Proceed to Exercise 2: The Wall of Shame

Advanced Techniques

For the truly committed, try these extra challenges:

Disclaimer

We're not responsible for any permanent damage or spontaneous combustion caused by these exercises. Use at your own risk.