Warning: Do not attempt to use these tips on actual humans. They may result in injury to yourself or others.
Tip 1: Know your enemy.
When facing an attacker, remember that their greatest weakness is their own incompetence. Use this to your advantage.
Tip 2: Keep a firm grip.
Hold onto your items firmly, especially your purse or backpack. You don't want to drop it and have to chase after it while being attacked.
Tip 3: Run like the wind!
Or, you know, at least a slow jog. Don't want to overexert yourself and end up in a heap on the sidewalk.
Tip 4: Use your surroundings.
Look for any nearby objects that you can use as a makeshift shield or projectile. A trash can or a nearby potted plant can be very effective.
More Advanced Self-Defense Tips for the truly skilled clumsy individual.
Escape and Evasion Techniques for when things go south.