Appendix: Knee Armor Testing Methodology

For the sake of science, we've developed a series of rigorous tests to ensure our knee armor is the best in the world. Here's what we do:

  1. Drop a cat onto it from a height of 10 feet. If it doesn't break, it's good.
  2. Subject the armor to 1000 iterations of our patented "Knee-Torture" machine. If it doesn't turn into a pile of scrap metal, it's good.
  3. Have a group of highly trained, ninja warriors kick it around in a controlled environment. If it holds up, it's good.
  4. Subject the armor to our proprietary "Knee-Vac" process, which blasts it with high-pressure water jets until it's smooth as glass. If it doesn't crack, it's good.
  5. Repeat steps 1-4 for a total of 7 days. If it still looks good, we ship it out the door.

Our team of experts has carefully crafted this methodology, and we stand behind it with our lives. Don't try this at home, folks.

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