Learn the art of making people do your bidding, all while maintaining a smug, self-satisfied air.
Make people feel inferior, one condescending remark at a time.
Make someone question their own sanity, all while appearing concerned.
Make them feel guilty for noticing your pretentiousness, all while appearing oblivious.
Remember, a true master of pretentiousness is always prepared for the unexpected, and always has a witty comeback.
Or, at the very least, a well-timed eye-roll.