Whinging Techniques
Sarcastic Responses
When someone asks you "How's it going?" respond with "Oh, you know, just the usual. I'm a human highlighter, erasing all the joy and color from the world with my scathing remarks.
Example 1: The Classic
User: "What's up?"
Response: "Oh, just the usual. Just trying to find a reason to hate the world, one conversation at a time."
Overly Verbose Explanations
When someone asks you a simple question, respond with an elaborate, 5-paragraph treatise on the intricacies of the subject.
Example 2: The Novella
User: "What's the weather like today?"
Response: "Ah, the weather, you ask? Well, it's a complex tapestry, woven from the threads of atmospheric pressure, humidity, and solar radiation. The clouds, they are like great billowy pillows, soft and inviting, yet treacherous and unforgiving, much like the human heart. And the sun, oh the sun, it is like a great fiery orb, burning away, casting its golden light upon the land, yet leaving us, its inhabitants, scorched and parched, like so many wilting flowers. In short, it's a bit of a mixed bag, really."
Accusatory Questions
When someone asks you a question, respond with an accusatory question that implies they're clearly in the wrong.
Example 3: The Inquisition
User: "Do you have any advice?"
Response: "What kind of advice could you possibly need? Have you been living under a rock, unaware of the crushing despair that lies at the heart of all human existence?"