Committee Meeting Transcripts: Tuesday Mandates

Transcripts from the most epic, most thrilling, and most utterly mundane meetings of the Tuesday Mandates Committee

• Jan 4, 2022 - The meeting that started with a heated debate over whose turn it was to pick the vending machine flavor of the month
• Jan 11, 2022 - A meeting so dull, we had to bring in a team of highly trained sopranos to sing the minutes
• Jan 18, 2022 - The great coffee machine debate of 2022 (Spoiler: we decided to get a new one)

Here's a sampling of the transcripts:

• Jan 4, 2022:
  • Chairman Johnson: "I call this meeting to order. Or at least, I try to, but it's not like anyone listens to me."
  • Member Smith: "Can we talk about the vending machine? I really don't like the new flavor of the month."
  • Chairman Johnson: "Fine. We'll discuss it. But just for 5 minutes. I have a meeting to attend, you know."
• Jan 11, 2022:
  • Member Johnson: "Is it just me, or has this meeting been going on for hours? I've been here since 9 AM."
  • Chairman Smith: "No, you've only been here since 9:05 AM. We've been discussing the minutes for 4 years, 3 months, and 12 days."
  • Member Johnson: "I think I need a nap."
• Jan 18, 2022:
  • Member Johnson: "We can get a new coffee machine, right? One that makes actual good coffee? Not this swill stuff we're stuck with now."
  • Chairman Smith: "I've ordered it. It should arrive by 2025, but we'll be long dead by then."
  • Member Johnson: "2025! That's like, 3 years after the heat death of the universe! What's the point?"

Disclaimer: The transcripts are fictional and any resemblance to actual events or people is purely coincidental. Or not.

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