Our Prophetic Predictions for the Apocalypse
Based on years of research, countless cups of coffee, and an unhealthy dose of madness, we've compiled a list of our most dire predictions:
- The apocalypse will be delayed, but not by much.
- The only thing that will be left standing will be the Wi-Fi router and a few select episodes of "The Great British Baking Show".
- The world will end in a blaze of glory, but not before a few more rounds of "Dungeons & Dragons" will be played.
- The last thing you'll see before the world ends will be a cat playing the piano, but not as beautiful as it seems.
The Apocalypse Will Be Delayed, But Not by Much
Our experts (okay, we just made it up) have confirmed that the apocalypse will be delayed, but not by much. Think of it as a 5-7 business day delay, give or take a few centuries.
Reasons for this delay include:
- We're still waiting on a few more deliveries from Amazon Prime.
- The apocalypse's lawyers are still working on the fine print.
- We just can't bring ourselves to give up our Netflix subscriptions.