Advanced Measuring Techniques for Your Local Perimeter

Measuring the perimeter of your local sewer grate, a task so crucial it's almost as essential as counting sheep, but, like, way harder. That is, until you read this chapter. Here you will find the techniques to measure your local sewer grate's circumference with precision, accuracy, and possibly a few dropped F-Bombs.

Technique #1: The Ruler of Steel

• Grab a ruler. Any ruler. A 12 inch one, a 6 inch one, doesn't matter. Just make sure it's not that weird, flexible one with the weird symbols.
• Place the ruler along the perimeter of your sewer grate, ensuring it's as flush against the grate as possible. Don't worry about getting it dirty, you're a professional.
• Measure the length of the ruler. Add it to itself. You'll be amazed at the sheer, um, 'science' behind it.
• Repeat as necessary, until you've reached the desired level of precision.

Technique #2: The Tape Measure of Desperation

• Grab a tape measure. Any tape measure. A 25 foot one, a 100 foot one, doesn't matter. Just make sure it's not that one with the sticky stuff.
• Wrap the tape measure around the perimeter of your sewer grate. Don't worry about getting it stuck, you're a professional.
• Read the measurement. Add it to the number 2. You'll be amazed at the sheer, um, 'brilliance' behind it.
• Repeat as necessary, until you've reached the desired level of precision.

Technique #3: The Geometry of Finesse

• Grab a calculator. Any calculator. A TI-89, a Sharp, doesn't matter. Just make sure it's not that one with the dead battery.
• Input the radius of your sewer grate's circle. Don't worry about the actual radius, you can just, you know, eyeball it.
• Divide by pi. Multiply by 2. Add the number 1. You'll be amazed at the sheer, um, 'math-magics' behind it.
• Repeat as necessary, until you've reached the desired level of precision.