High pressure system of despair moving in, bringing heavy doses of existential dread and uncertainty.
Low pressure system of hopelessness moving out, leaving only the faintest whispers of possibility.
Wind: 100% chance of panic, gusts of 500mph of anxiety.
Humidity: 100%, feeling of impending doom.
UV Index: 11/11, because who needs sunburn when there's the end of the world?
Temperature: -5°C, because who needs warmth when you're already frozen in fear?
Monday: Heavy doses of existential crisis, high chance of self-doubt.
Tuesday: Moderate chance of societal collapse, with a high chance of rioting and looting.
Wednesday: Heavy rain of government officials fleeing, with a chance of martial law.
Thursday: High chance of robot uprising, with a slight chance of human resistance.
Friday: Moderate chance of alien invasion, with a high chance of planetary destruction.
Weekend: Heavy chance of nuclear war, with a slight chance of nuclear winter.
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