Welcome to the first issue of Zero-Clicks News Network! In this issue, we're covering the latest in "Boredom in Modern Society", a detailed analysis of the current state of ennui and apathy among the general public.
We also have a special report on "The Rise of the Autonomous Lawnmower", a revolutionary new device that's taking the world by storm with its ability to mow your lawn for you, while you're not looking.
And in our entertainment section, "The Epic Quest for the Perfectly Average Life" continues its thrilling tale of one man's search for meaning in a world without purpose.