Prophet Forecasts
Welcome to the Prophet Forecasts, where our team of experts will predict the most unlikely, yet inevitable outcomes for your life, your loved ones, and your toaster.
Our team of highly trained prophets have access to the latest in ancient Sumerian divination techniques, combined with cutting-edge machine learning algorithms and an endless supply of coffee.
We're not just talking about your average crystal ball, folks. Our prophecies come with a 99.9% accuracy rate (results not actualy guaranteed, but let's be real, who needs guarantees when the future is this obvious?)
Check out our latest forecasts:
- 2024-01-01: You Will Eat A Whole Pizza By Yourself
- 2024-01-15: Your Socks Will Disappear in the Wash
Want to know the secrets of the universe? Want to see our team of prophets in action? Check out our: