html John in It: The Woeful Woes of John

The Woeful Woes of John

Meet John, the Man Behind the Mayhem

John is the mastermind behind this entire operation. His questionable life choices and poor decision-making have led to the following woeful woes:

His cat, Mr. Bigglesworth, has taken to defecating on his favorite sweater
He still lives in his parents' basement, but now he has a better Wi-Fi signal
His extensive collection of vintage video games is slowly being eaten by his pet tarantula, Mr. Snuffles
His attempts at cooking result in more fires than a kindergartener on a sugar high

But don't worry, John's woes are nothing a good dose of sarcasm and self-deprecation can't fix. More Woeful Woes

John's prophets are a motley crew of misfits and ne'er-do-wells. Meet them:

Robert the Robotic, a prophet with a penchant for circuitry and despair
Steve the Stellar, a prophet with a flair for the dramatic and a love of sparkly things
Phil the Philosopher, a prophet with a love of existential dread and a penchant for wearing a fedora

Together, they'll try to guide John out of his woeful woes and into the light of mediocrity. Meet the rest of the team