Welcome to Alan's Inscrutable Musings prophets, where our team of expertly trained, highly skilled, and moderately caffeinated prophets are dedicated to providing you with the most obtuse, the most esoteric, and the most completely useless insights the world has ever seen.
Our leader, the Great Alan, has been tasked with the sacred duty of staring at a wall and thinking really, really hard for hours on end. The results of this process are then distilled into our patented, trademarked, and totally-not-made-up "Inscrutable Musings" – a series of profound, yet completely inexplicable, observations that will leave you questioning the very fabric of reality.
Our team includes: