Notable Accomplishments:
- Successfully microwaved a frozen pizza to a perfectly edible state
- Invented the art of doing absolutely nothing for exactly 37.5 minutes
- Made it to the top of the company's couch, without breaking it
- Achieved the impossible: getting the coffee machine to dispense exactly 4.7 cups of coffee per minute
- Built an impressive collection of novelty tie collections, totaling 47.5 ties
And that's not all! Our fearless leader has also:
- Won 3 consecutive "Employee of the Month" awards, despite having no actual employees
- Set the world record for most consecutive hours spent playing Solitaire (24)
- Perfectly balanced the art of eating an entire pizza in 3.5 minutes while maintaining a 0.0% chance of food poisoning
But don't just take our word for it, here's what some of our team members have to say:
Mike: "I've seen him eat a whole pizza by himself... in one sitting"