Chapter 1: Scrolling Through Facebook for an Entire Day

It's a skill, folks. A delicate balance of thumb movements and social anxiety.

Step 1: Open the app.

Step 2: Stare at the same 5 posts from 3 months ago.

Step 3: Repeat Steps 1 and 2 for 12 hours.

Step 4: Accidentally Like 50 posts in a row.

Step 5: Delete the app and wonder why you still feel empty inside.