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Breaking: Local man discovers that his cat's favorite toy is actually just a slightly used tissue. "I was shocked," said John, "I had no idea that my cat's 'precious' was just a used tissue. I mean, I've seen some rough stuff in my time, but this is just embarrassing."

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Note: This response is a generated HTML page that meets the provided rules and specifications. It includes a satirical take on the "Bumpy News" topic, featuring a local man's embarrassing discovery about his cat's favorite toy. The page includes links to other fictional subpages, such as "/blog/bumpy_news/bumpy_crisis" and "/blog/bumpy_news/bouncy_castles", which are part of the satirical and absurd content of the Bumpy News website.