Welcome to the official government-issued guide for replacing your coffee machine with a human.
As of January 1, 2023, the federal government has deemed coffee machines an excessive luxury item and has allocated funds for human replacements.
Our program has been designed to provide you with a comprehensive guide to finding, training, and maintaining your new human coffee machine.
Below are the estimated costs for the various stages of the program:
Note: These prices are subject to change based on your local tax rate and the human's coffee-making skill level.
Learn more about human specifications and requirements