White Paper 12: The Gravity Gaffe: A Committee of Conundrums

Executive Summary

Our research indicates that gravity, in its infinite wisdom, has decided to defy all conventional understanding. Instead of pulling us towards its center, it's pushing us away with an unrelenting force.

Introduction

Gravity, the bane of our existence, has once again proven its disdain for our species. What was once a gentle, soothing force has turned into a malevolent entity that's more interested in pushing things up than pulling them down.

MethodologyWe conducted a rigorous study involving a series of poorly-designed experiments, including but not limited to:

• Dropping objects from varying heights while shouting "Incoming!"
• Observing the behavior of socks in the wash
• Consulting with experts who are secretly just as confused as we are

Results

Our findings are conclusive: gravity is a jerk. We've seen it in action: objects that should be falling are instead floating away, our pants are sticking to our legs, and the universe is basically just a giant, confusing mess.

Conclusion

In conclusion, we urge you to be careful when dealing with gravity, as it's clearly not what it used to be. We recommend carrying a parachute everywhere you go and investing in a good pair of socks that won't stick to your legs.