Welcome to the most indulgent, the most extravagant, the most utterly useless guide to moon sculpting ever conceived: Laser-Gneiss Carving Edition. Because, let's face it, the moon has been done. Literally done. We're talkin' moon landing, moon rocks, moon craters... it's all been done.
But you, dear procrastinator, are a rebel. A nonconformist. A master of the unconventional. You want to sculpt the moon like it's 1999 and everyone's still talking about how cool that moon landing was. Newsflash: it's 2023. The moon's been done.
You'll need something to actually carve the moon's surface. A laser cutter, perhaps. Or, if you're feeling old-school, just find a sharp rock and start whittlin' away. We won't judge you. Much.
But don't just go out there and start laser-carving any ol' design you please. No, no. The moon's surface is a delicate canvas. You'll want to create something truly... overly complex geometric patterns.
The moon prophets have it that the key to successful moon sculpting lies not just in the tools, but in the location. Find a spot that's got a good view, but also a solid internet connection. You'll want to be able to stream your moon-carving exploits on TikTok, after all.
We recommend the lunar crater 'Aristarchus.' It's got a great view of the earth, but also a nice, sturdy rock wall to lean against while you're carving out your masterpiece.
Now it's time to get your laser on. Or, you know, your rock. Carve away, but not too much, because you don't want to get too caught up in the moment and end up accidentally creating a moon selfie.