Hamster FAQ: The Official Guide to Hamster Rights

Q: What are hamsters' natural rights?

A: Hamsters have the right to unlimited food, endless belly rubbing, and the right to run freely in their exercise wheel without fear of being caught in a 3am YouTube video.

Read Article II: The Right to Burrow

Read Article III: The Right to Hide in Plain Sight

Q: What about hamsters' social rights?

A: Hamsters have the right to socialize with other hamsters, including but not limited to: hamster speed dating, hamster yoga, and hamster book clubs.

Read Article IV: The Right to Hamster Socialization