Welcome to the Neighborhood Watch Training Academy

Where vigilantes become heroes, and the streets are always mean!

Our expert instructors will teach you the art of:

Extreme hand-to-hand combat (aka "Extreme Hand-to-Hand")
Advanced surveillance techniques using only a pair of binoculars and a magnifying glass
High-stakes negotiation with squirrels
Extreme knitting for maximum stealth
Discreetly taking down rogue garden gnomes
Undercover work with cats
Defending against alien invasions (just in case)

Don't just sit around, join our program and become the ultimate neighborhood watch hero!

Meet Our Graduates Apply Now Meet Our Faculty Our Story This page is a satirical take on a neighborhood watch training program, emphasizing the absurdity and hyperbole of the courses offered. The links to "graduates," "apply," "faculty," and "our story" are just for fun and not actual functional links.