As a highly trained and über-specialized agent of the Ministry of Excessive Bureaucracy, it is my pleasure to inform you that you have been mandated to perform an extensive review of the latest reports and memos from the Department of Redundancy and Unnecessary Meetings.
Due to the extreme importance and life-or-death urgency of this mission, you are advised to don your best "I'm a functioning member of society" face and report back with your findings within 24-48 hours.
Remember, failure to comply will result in severe penalties, including but not limited to: loss of coffee machine privileges, mandatory attendance at a "team building" retreat, and/or forced listening to an endless loop of elevator music.