Step 3: The Art of Coffee Tasting
Warning: This step requires a level 5 sense of smell, a level 10 sense of taste, and a level 15 sense of patience. To taste coffee like a true connoisseur, one must first clear one's mind of all distractions. Find a quiet room, dim the lights, and sit in a chair that has been properly adjusted for optimal butt-to-seat ratio. Then, hold the cup in your hand, close your eyes, and take a deep breath. Focus on the aroma. Is it floral? Is it nutty? Does it hint at a hint of despair, a longing for a simpler time?
Next, take a small sip. Hold it in your mouth for precisely 17 seconds, allowing the flavors to dance on your tongue. Note the notes of chocolate, the hints of citrus, the subtle undertones of existential dread.
Finally, swallow, and repeat the process at least three times, for a total of 51 seconds, to achieve optimal flavor saturation.
Proceed to Step 4: The Coffee-and-Cake Paradox
Go back to Step 2: The Bean-to-Cup Ratio