Meriting the Merit System: An Artistes' Guide

Q: What is this mess?

Step 1: Identify Your Merit

Find your inner worth. Is it creativity? Talent? Dedication? Nope, it's actually a combination of all three, but let's be real, it's mostly talent.

• Take a self-administered quiz: "Do I have a degree from a prestigious art school?"
• "Have I ever had a solo show at a museum?"
• "Can I name-drop about the time I met a famous artist at a gallery opening?"

Assign a merit score based on your answers. The higher, the better.

Step 2: Starve the Merit-Starving Artistes

It's a cruel world out there. Someone has to be last. Might as well be you.

Join the Merit-Starving Artistes Support Group

Step 3: Unite with Fellow Artistes

Form a union. Because, honestly, you're all probably not going to make it on your own.

Meet at the local coffee shop. Discuss the merits and demerits of the system.

• Vote on resolutions to starve the competition.
• Elect union reps to negotiate better funding.

Step 4: Shop for Merit-Related Swag

Union shop, baby! Buy our union-made t-shirts, tote bags, and tote-ier tote bags.

• Shop for Merit-Starving Artistes Swag