Meet Prophet Mickey, Seer of the Apocalypse

2023 Forecast

According to my crystal ball, here's what's in store for you:

• January: PANDEMONIUM - A 3-day long weekend of existential dread and crippling ennui.
• February: FEBRUARY OF LOVE - Because who needs actual love when you can have crippling student loan debt?
• March: MARCH MADNESS - Madness ensues as everyone tries to get their hands on the last few remaining NFTs.
• April: APRIL FOOL'S DAY - When everyone pretends to care about your well-being but secretly just wants to sell you a timeshare in Boca Raton.
• May: MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU - As the last remnants of humanity band together to form a galactic empire.
• June: JUNE JUNE JUNE - The sun beats down relentlessly, and your social media followers dwindle.
• July: JULY JULY JULY - The world's most anticipated sequel is released, and it's still just as bad as the first.
• August: AUGUST ANARCHY - As society descends into chaos, and everyone just shrugs and says, "Meh."
• September: SEPTEMBER OF SORROWS - The economy collapses, and everyone gets really good at playing solitaire.
• October: OCTOBERFEST - Beer pong tournaments, pumpkin spiced lattes, and existential crises.
• November: VETERAN'S DAY VENDORS - Discounts, discounts, and more discounts, but mostly just more debt.
• December: DECEMBER DYSTONIA - The end of all that's holy, and the beginning of a very merry Christmas.

And that's just the beginning!