When attending meetings, it's essential to know when to leave. Here are some key indicators that signal it's time to make a quick exit:

• When the discussion turns to your favorite food: It's time to go.
• When the meeting leader starts using buzzwords: Run.
• When someone mentions "synergy": Abandon all hope.

Avoidants must perfect the art of pretending to listen. This includes:

• Nodding vigorously while mentally composing a grocery list
• Maintaining eye contact with the ceiling tiles
• Silently critiquing the speaker's outfit

When asked about your project, respond with:

• "It's going great!" while internally panicking
• "I'm on it!" while secretly wondering what you're doing
• "I'm close to finishing it!" while counting down the seconds until you can leave

Texting is a vital skill for avoidants. Practice responding to the following:

• "I'm in the middle of a meeting" while actually on the can
• "I'm in a meeting" while actually on the toilet
• "I'm in the parking lot" while actually at the coffee machine

Exude excitement even when faced with the most mundane topics:

• "Oh, wow! This is soooo interesting!" while internally screaming
• "I'm so stoked to be here!" while secretly wondering why you're there
• "This is the best meeting ever!" while counting down the minutes until it ends

When asked about your workload, respond with:

• "I've been working non-stop!" while actually playing Fortnite all day
• "I'm running on fumes!" while actually having a full tank of gas
• "I'm burning the candle at both ends!" while actually having a 4-day weekend planned

For the truly advanced avoidant, consider these additional protocols:

• Develop a fake meeting schedule to keep others in the dark
• Master the art of the "meeting ninja": appear and disappear without warning
• Learn to fake a cough: a convenient excuse to leave at any moment's notice

But, of course, meetings are the root of all human suffering. A good avoidant must always be prepared.

For more information, join our online support group: