Coffee Machine Malfunctioning: A Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse
**Symptoms:**
- Machine not dispensing coffee
- Coffee not hot or not cold (or both?) enough
- Unusual whirring or clunking noises
**Possible Causes:
- Over-caffeination
- Clogged water reservoir
- Malfunctioning coffee-to-steam converter module
**Emergency Response Protocols:
- Call in backup caffeine supplies via emergency hotline
- Perform manual reset procedure (see page 3)
- Initiate backup coffee brewing system (if available)
Phase 1: Initial Response
Phase 2: Advanced Troubleshooting
Phase 3: Full-Scale Coffee Frenzy