Coffee Machine Malfunctioning: A Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse

**Symptoms:**

• Machine not dispensing coffee
• Coffee not hot or not cold (or both?) enough
• Unusual whirring or clunking noises

**Possible Causes:

• Over-caffeination
• Clogged water reservoir
• Malfunctioning coffee-to-steam converter module

**Emergency Response Protocols:

1. Call in backup caffeine supplies via emergency hotline
2. Perform manual reset procedure (see page 3)
3. Initiate backup coffee brewing system (if available)

Phase 1: Initial Response

Phase 2: Advanced Troubleshooting

Phase 3: Full-Scale Coffee Frenzy