PHASE 1 CONTINGENCY PLANNING

In the event of a coffee machine emergency, the following steps must be taken:

Step 1: Remain Calm

Do not panic, as this will lead to a 300% increase in stress-related caffeine withdrawal.

Instead, take slow, deep breaths, and focus on the task at hand: saving our precious coffee machine.

Proceed to Substep 1: Identify the Problem OR Proceed to Phase 2: Call in the Experts

Important Notes

* Please do not attempt to fix the machine yourself. You will only make things worse.

* If you are a certified coffee engineer, please report to the conference room for further instructions.

* If you are not a certified coffee engineer, please report to the nearest coffee break room for moral support.