COFFEE MACHINE EMERGENCY PHASE 1: INITIAL ASSESSMENT

Reports are emerging of a malfunctioning coffee machine at the heart of the office. Initial analysis suggests:

• Excessive steam output
• Unreliable temperature control
• High risk of scalding coworkers

Recommendations:

• Maintenance personnel are on scene
• Backup coffee supplies are being airlifted in
• Employee morale is being bolstered with an emergency supply of energy drinks

Further updates as situation develops.