Attendance Policy for the Most Esteemed Committee Member 4

As a highly respected and infinitely important member of the committee, I, Committee Member 4, shall be present at all meetings unless the following conditions are met:

• I'm too busy napping in the supply closet.
• The conference room is occupied by more than 5 of my closest acquaintances.
• The coffee machine is out of coffee.
• The ceiling tiles are too loud.

In the event of my absence, please note that I am not responsible for the meeting's lack of productivity, nor am I liable for any decisions made without my input (which, let's be real, is always correct).