Step 1: Show up late and apologize profusely. It's a sign of respect, we swear.
Step 2: Talk loudly over the person who's actually making sense, it's more fun that way.
Step 3: Make eye contact with everyone, even the intern, even if they're not actually looking at you.
Step 4: Use buzzwords like "synergy" and "disrupt" to make your points sound impressive, even if you have no idea what they mean.
Step 5: Take 10 minutes to discuss the weather, it's not like you have actual work to do, right?
Step 6: Make a "to-do list" and cross off imaginary tasks as you go. (Note: It's like a real to-do list, but without the actual work)
Step 7: Pretend the meeting is a "brainstorming session" to justify your lack of preparation.
And remember, folks, the key to our overly optimistic meetings technique is to make everyone feel guilty about their lack of productivity while pretending to be productive ourselves.
Step 8: Make up fake statistics to back up your points. It's like math, but not actually math.