Project Management

Project Planning

Roadmap

Our fearless team of experts has created a completely-not-at-all-optional roadmap for your project. Because who needs flexibility, anyway?

• Phase 1: Planning (because we love making plans)
• Milestones: Because we love crossing things off lists
• Deadlines: Where the magic happens (or not)

Phase 1: Planning (Because we love making plans)

Step 1: Create 17 versions of the same document. No, seriously, 17.

Step 2: Have 5 meetings to discuss the 17 versions. Each meeting should last at least 2 hours.

Step 3: Decide that the original plan was actually the best, and just go with that.

And that's it. That's the entire roadmap. Don't bother reading the fine print.

Milestones: Because we love crossing things off lists

We've identified 12 crucial milestones for your project. Each milestone should take exactly 4 weeks to complete, no exceptions.

Here's your list:

• Milestone 1: Finish 3/4 of the project
• Milestone 2: Finish the other 1/4 of the project
• Milestone 3: Celebrate with cake and champagne
• Milestone 4: Realize we've forgotten what we were doing and start over

Deadlines: Where the magic happens (or not)

We've set a deadline for each milestone, but let's be real, those are just suggestions.

Here's your list of deadlines:

• Deadline 1: 2 weeks from now, but only if the cake is free
• Deadline 2: 4 weeks from now, unless we're on a break
• Deadline 3: Never, we'll just work on it until it's done