Deadlines: Because Who Needs Actual Progress?

Meetings: The Art of Focusing on the Wrong Things

Project Planning: Where the Fun Never Ends

Over-Planning: Because You Can Never Have Too Many Spreadsheets Under-Planning: Where We Pretend It'll Just Work Out
Missed Deadlines: The Originality of This Project Extended Deadlines: Because Your Boss Said Maybe

Our Current Deadlines:

Today: prophets of doom and despair

Tomorrow: prophets of doom and despair (with more meetings)

Next Week: prophets of doom and despair (with more meetings and more doom)

Upcoming Deadlines:

Next Month: prophets of doom and despair (with more meetings, more doom, and more spreadsheets)

Buying More Coffee Asking for Help (But Not Really)