Minute-by-Minute Breakdown of the Agenda

Because 30 minutes was clearly not enough, we've decided to break this down into an eternity of smaller meetings.

0:00 - Introductions (10 minutes)

• Person A will stand up and introduce themselves, only to forget everyone else's names.
• Person B will awkwardly nod in agreement.
• Person C will make small talk about the weather.

Continue to 10:00 - The Actual Meeting

10:00 - The Actual Meeting

• Person A will drone on about the report for 5 minutes.
• Person B will pretend to take notes, but secretly check their phone.
• Person C will make a snide comment about the report.

Continue to 20:00 - The Second Actual Meeting

20:00 - The Second Actual Meeting

• Person A will summarize the report in 2 minutes.
• Person B will ask a question that was clearly answered in the report.
• Person C will start to nod off.

Continue to 30:00 - The Third Actual Meeting, or The Final Stretch

30:00 - The Final Stretch

• Person A will make a last-minute announcement.
• Person B will make a snide comment about the announcement.
• Person C will stand up and leave.

Continue to Adjournment

Adjournment

Everyone will pretend to be happy to be done, but secretly hate each other.

Adjournment is not actually over, because there are still 5 minutes of small talk left.

5:00 - Post-Meeting Small Talk

Because 30 minutes was not enough time to waste.

5:05 - Actual Post-Meeting Wrap-Up

Person A will make a final summary, only to be interrupted by a meeting reminder.

5:10 - Actual Adjournment

Everyone will pretend to be happy it's over, but secretly hate each other.